Job update: I’m subcontracting an economic development event, and on another contract with LA County writing marketing copy for their performance venues until the end of the month.

I read through online job boards every day. I don’t apply for jobs every day.

I’ve read hundreds of job descriptions in the last year. About one third of the jobs listed are not in my skill-set or are not management positions, despite my online settings. Another half are jobs I could do, but they are outside the arts. Many of these include job descriptions that read like they took two or three jobs and crammed them into one. Finally, there are a few jobs in arts organizations.

I apply to about half of those. Which begs the question, why don’t I follow through on all of them?

It used to be that you’d mail a cover letter with your resume, make a follow up call, and then wait for them to get in touch with you. The onus of buying 9x12 envelopes and $40 in stamps was on you. Then in the 90’s Monster.com came along and you could send out your resume electronically to as many jobs as you could possibly find. HR offices were flooded with more resumes than they knew what to do with. I’ve been recruited for work since the early aughts, so for me, that model existed until now.

These days companies use algorithms to weed through the mountain of resumes they receive for each position they post online. In order to get noticed, you must figure out each company’s key words and custom fit your resume and cover letter with those words so that their algorithm chooses you. You can literally be doing that very same job at your old company, but if your key words aren’t on target, their bot will pass on you.

Applying to fit an algorithm takes time. If I do it right, I can do the research and apply to one or two jobs a day, and still there are no guarantees I’ll get a call.

To quote a good friend, “Applying for jobs is horrible.” She’s right.

When I approach it meaningfully, there is not enough time in the week to apply to all the jobs I see. Each day I triage positions that come into my inbox and decide which ones I will apply to that week. If the application instructions include sending your documents to a real person’s email, that job application goes to the top of my list.

Some months, I leave jobs on the table, because there isn’t enough time in the week to get to them all. Some weeks I don’t apply at all because there’s nothing of interest, or I’m busy with consultant work that pays too little, but keeps us out of debt.

My desire to work in arts administration creates an additional challenge for my job search. By doing so, I am literally saying goodbye to one network, and introducing myself to another while applying for the job.

But the challenges do not stop there. I’m also 50 years old and a woman. That’s a hiring challenge for multiple reasons – not the least of which is I’m now a protected class. (If they don’t like me, I’m harder to get rid of, which means they have to LOVE me to hire me.) I’m also accomplished, and have experience in leadership – another hiring challenge because I don’t come as cheap as a millennial, and entry level positions are inappropriate for me.

To be honest, I’m not sure what it’s going to take to push to the next level, especially when I read articles like this about how women, unlike men, need more than their network to succeed. It’s easy to feel defeated before even getting started.

The upside is I found out recently how supportive my network is. I reached out to folks who hadn’t seen me in 10 years for references. It was affirming how effusive they still are about me and the work I’ve done.

It’s occurred to me that one thing I may need is a head hunter. I know so little about their business that I’m not sure if they bother with positions in the arts. Some days I wake up and think there are too many unknown variables. I keep stabbing in the dark, unsure how to play this game.

That said, I’m still here, tightening my belt each month, because how great would it be to finally write and focus on something I am genuinely passionate about?